Chris Grayling to be paid £100,000 to advise ports on top of MPs' salary

Port authority apparently undeterred by minister’s track record with ferry contracts


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Arteta explains how his Arsenal side can beat Liverpool again in Premier League
The Gunners have two more chances this week to show they can get the better of Jurgen Klopp's side after wins against them in the Premier League and Community Shield this summer
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Sunday's Premier League betting tips
Man City, Leeds and Tottenham all feature in today's Premier League action - will they be able to overcome their opponents?
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Arsenal transfer round-up: Aouar 'agrees to join' Gunners but fee not yet agreed
Gunners boss Mikel Arteta is keen to strengthen his central midfield options before the window slams shut on 5 October, with £55million-rated Lyon star Aouar a priority target
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Man Utd's Rashford showed he doesn't need to do what his critics said he did
Marcus Rashford scored a sensational goal for Man Utd in their chaotic 3-2 win against Brighton at the Amex Stadium. Here are five talking points from the match.
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Newport boss has say on Bolton win and disallowed Wanderers goal
The Exiles inflicted Bolton's third successive defeat in League Two
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Talking points from Bolton's loss to Newport
Here's some of the talking points after Wanderers slipped to their third successive League Two defeat
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How Man City should line up vs Leicester in Premier League
Manchester City have just 13 first team players fit for the Premier League clash with Leicester, Pep Guardiola says.
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Bolton players' spirit and desire was 'questionable' in Newport loss, says Evatt
The Wanderers boss has called on his players to 'give the respect' Bolton deserves after being at 'the best club in this division bar none'
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Portand, Oregon, police make arrests at downtown rally
Portland police Saturday night arrested anti-police brutality protesters who had gathered downtown
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Chelsea transfer round-up: Kante 'open to £46m exit' and Rudiger latest
The Blues have spent well over £200million during a busy window under manager Frank Lampard, who is now keen to offload fringe players to help balance the books
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The Latest: Melbourne eases lockdown, reopens schools, work
Australia’s second-largest city, Melbourne, has further eased lockdown restrictions, allowing most children to return to school from next month and sending more than 125,000 people back to work
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One fighting for life and two injured as 'drink driver' arrested in M1 crash
We'll be bringing you the very latest updates, pictures and video on this breaking news story.
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Bake Off star Prue Leith shares 'horrific' experience of getting high on acid
The 80-year-old TV baking expert revealed all about her bad acid trip that she experienced when she and her husband were experimenting with drugs in her younger years
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Flood warnings issued as Brits prepare for icy winds and rain across parts of UK
Temperatures plummeted this week after the first part of September was mostly warm and sunny.  The UK's weather is looking to become increasingly unsettled through midweek
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LEADING OFF: NL race down to final day — and maybe Monday
St. Louis, Milwaukee, San Francisco and Philadelphia enter the last day of the regular season competing for two postseason spots, and the biggest game of the day pits Christian Yelich’s Brewers against Yadier Molina’s Cardinals
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Giants need win, help to reach playoffs after loss to Padres
Fernando Tatis Jr. hit his 17th home run and the San Diego Padres beat San Francisco 6-2 on Saturday night, leaving the Giants in need of help to make the playoffs
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Trump caps judiciary remake with choice of Barrett for court
President Donald Trump is capping a dramatic reshaping of the federal judiciary with another Supreme Court nomination
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Man Utd transfer round-up: new club in for Smalling and '£137m bid rejected'
The Red Devils are keen to offload £18million-rated defender Chris Smalling, while they are eyeing attacking reinforcements before the transfer deadline on 5 October
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Solskjaer praises two Manchester United players after Brighton win
Man Utd were fortunate to win 3-2 at Brighton thanks to Bruno Fernandes' late penalty and a wonder strike from Marcus Rashford.
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Coronavirus latest news: Labour calls for university students to be allowed home for Christmas
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EastEnders star Shaun Williamson discovered he has secret 32-year-old son
The actor – famous for playing Barry Evans on EastEnders – says he 'hit it off straight away' after meeting the son he didn't know he fathered via a past relationship with a circus performer
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Coronavirus NHS Test and Trace app 'fails to let 60,000 upload their results'
About 60,000 Brits have been unable to link their swab outcome due to a glitch in the system. Tests done in an NHS hospital and Public Health England lab have been affected
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Global report: Colombia and Argentina pass major milestones as Covid grips Americas
Colombia tops 800,000 cases, Argentina passes 700,000; France reports 14,000 new cases; Australian state of Victoria lifts curfewCoronavirus – latest updatesSee all our coronavirus coverageCoronavirus cases in Colombia, which is nearly a month into a national reopening after a long quarantine, have passed 800,000, while in Argentina infections passed 700,000, as the pandemic continues to grip the Americas.Colombia has 806,038 confirmed cases of the virus, the health ministry said on Saturday, with 25,296 reported deaths. Active cases numbered 78,956. Continue reading...
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UK weather: FREEZING drop in temperatures to follow chilly weekend
BRITAIN is set for a drop in temperatures following a chilly weekend that will lead to unsettled conditions including some outbreaks of rain and strong winds.
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Rockies roll past Diamondbacks 10-3 despite four errors
Elias Diaz and Ryan McMahon each hit two-run homers, German Márquez threw seven impressive innings and the Colorado Rockies overcame some sloppy fielding to beat the Arizona Diamondbacks 10-3 on Saturday night
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Ebner dominates in Aranda debut as Baylor tops Kansas 47-14
Trestan Ebner returned the second-half kickoff 100 yards before going 83 yards for another touchdown on a free kick after a safety, and Baylor gave new coach Dave Aranda a win in his long-awaited debut, beating Kansas 47-14
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No. 16 Tennessee wins seventh straight 31-27 over Gamecocks
Jarrett Guarantano threw a tie-breaking touchdown in the fourth quarter to lead No. 16 Tennessee to its seventh straight win with a 31-27 victory over South Carolina
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Moncada homers as White Sox win 9-5; Cubs clinch NL Central
Yoan Moncada homered, José Abreu hit a three-run double and the playoff-bound Chicago White Sox beat the NL Central champion Chicago Cubs 9-5 at Guaranteed Rate Field to snap a season-high six-game losing streak Saturday
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Don't Tell The Bride's Biggest Disasters, 10 Years After The Infamous Vegas Wedding
For the last 13 years, we’ve been watching Don’t Tell The Bride through our fingers, as a parade of hapless grooms do their best (most of the time, at least) to give their cherished fiancées a wedding they’ll remember.And while all of them have succeeded in making their big days memorable in some way or another, not all of the on-screen weddings stood out for the right reasons.One that is frequently cited as being one of the most shocking episodes in the show’s history is that of Simon and Kaleigh in 2010.Kaleigh, you may recall, wanted a family-oriented wedding near their home, but ended up being flown across the world to Las Vegas, where Simon put together a flash wedding he could only actually afford to send a select few of their friends and family to.It’s now been 10 years since the infamous episode aired, and to mark the not-so-glamorous (but probably quite fitting) tin anniversary, we’re looking back at the most shocking, cringe inducing and just plain wrong weddings to ever feature on Don’t Tell The Bride...10. The darts wedding (Chelsey and Liam, 2018) Over the years, plenty of grooms have been guilty of prioritising their own passions over the couple’s shared interests when it comes to a wedding theme, and that’s exactly what happened when Liam decided to plan a darts-themed bash for his fiancée, Chelsey.Not only did the bridesmaids’ dresses consist of oversized dart board t-shirts, it was darts legend Bobby George who conducted the ceremony. When he finally turned up on time, that is. 9. The Thorpe Park wedding (Kayleigh and Steve, 2011) Fair play to Steve, he did actually have good intentions when he decided to host his and Kayleigh’s wedding at Thorpe Park – the place they’d had one of their earliest dates, and he’d realised that she was the one for him.Still, though. Expecting your bride – who, by the way, hates thrill rides – to go on the park’s scariest rollercoaster on her own IN HER WEDDING DRESS was always going to be a tall order. Even if it wasn’t raining. 8. The elf wedding (Georgia and Liam, 2020) A recent addition to the Don’t Tell The Bride vaults, poor Georgia was already in tears when she saw the wedding dress that had been picked out for her, complete with its festive red bow, and that was before she’d even seen what her bridesmaids would be wearing.“I’m not getting married if you’re all dressed like this,” she warned the bridal party, after her emotional mum admitted that she felt Liam had made them all “look stupid”. She wasn’t wrong, to be fair. 7. The skydive wedding (John and Jackie, 2012) Do you ever get the feeling someone has literally only agreed to go on Don’t Tell The Bride just so that Channel 4 will pay for them to do a skydive? Even though their bride-to-be absolutely heights?To give John some credit, Jackie not only went through with the skydive, she ended up loving it (sort of… she did still say she felt like punching her new husband “for making me do this on our wedding day”).6. The cruise wedding (Kelly and Mark, 2015)  Children’s entertainer Kelly (who, fun fact, became Kelly Kelly after she got married) wanted a glamorous, princess-esque wedding day, to take her out of her normal life.What she got was a sparsely-attended ceremony in a cruise ship theatre, which opened with her new husband doing a Frank Spencer impression.And let’s not even talk about that hotel overlooking a petrol station Mark booked Kelly and her family in ahead of the wedding... 5. The pig wedding (Steph and Billy, 2017) This was so obviously a bad idea we can’t believe that no one along the way stepped in to get Billy to reconsider.The red flags were there when Billy splurged two grand on his stag do and sent Steph on a night out to their local pub – but our favourite part was when the bride (who’d always maintained she didn’t want her wedding to be “a joke”) first clapped eyes on her porcine wedding guests.“I thought you liked pigs,” Billy offered, sparking the immortal line: “Yeah but not this much.” 4. The Ibiza wedding (Alex and Luke, 2016) One of those rare moments we do end up feeling sorry for one of the grooms, Luke picked Ibiza as the venue for his and Alex’s wedding, because that’s where they met when they were both working out there.Unfortunately, he didn’t quite think things through.Alex hated her dress, Luke left their UK-based registry office service halfway through with no explanation, and despite guidance from a very level-headed best man, Luke let planning the big day get to his head, leading to an Ibiza-based emotional breakdown.Still, Alex eventually ended up enjoying her beach-based ceremony, even if it wasn’t exactly what she had in mind.3. The wedding that Channel 4 pulled the plug on (Chanise and Yanis, 2019)Chanose and Yanis made history in 2019, after producers found out that she had gone directly against the show’s rules by finding out information about what was being planned for her wedding.While it meant that we were deprived of the usual wedding, the episode did turn the cameras on the show’s production team, treating viewers to a peek behind the curtain of how Don’t Tell The Bride works.  2. The wedding that wasn’t (Sofia and Craig, 2018) Over the course of this episode, Sofia changed her mind multiple times about whether she’d even be going ahead with her wedding, first based on the dress (which she threatened to change out of at a KFC), and later when she found out the reception was Oktoberfest-themed. She didn’t even drink beer.In case you were wondering, a message at the end of the episode revealed: “At the time of making this programme Craig and Sofia had decided not to make their wedding legal and were working together on their relationship.”Ouch.1. The big one (Kaleigh and Simon, 2010) It could have been so different. Before settling on Vegas, Simon took a trip to a local casino, and let the roulette wheel decide whether he’d be taking the trip to the bright lights of Sin City, or staying local, as Kaleigh wanted.Suffice to say, Las Vegas won out.There were plenty of tears when Kaleigh found out where the wedding would be going ahead, and even more when she discovered how few of her family would be coming with her (her sister, who was supposed to have served as made of honour, refused to come, because of the snub to her brother).Don’t Tell The Bride is available to watch on All 4.READ MORE: 7 Netflix Hidden Gems That You Won't Believe Have Passed You By 29 TV Picks Coming Later In 2020 That Will Help Staying In Feel More Bearable 29 Classic TV Moments We'll Never Not Find Hilarious
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Honour Is ITV's Latest Real-Life Crime Drama – Here's What You Need To Know
Following White House Farm and Des, ITV continues its run of dramas about real-life crime this week with Honour. The two-part series was first announced last summer and was originally set to air earlier this year, but was pushed back due to the pandemic. Ahead of its debut on Monday night, here’s what you need to know about it...What is Honour about?Honour focuses on the aftermath of the real-life murder of Banaz Mahmod – a 20-year-old London woman who was killed on the orders of members of her own family in an “honour killing” in 2006. They believed she had dishonoured them when she ended a violent and abusive forced marriage, and started a new relationship with someone of her own choosing.Her killer, her father, uncle and two cousins were later convicted of her murder, and this drama tells the story of how they were brought to justice after a police investigation led by Detective Chief Inspector Caroline Goode. DCI Goode found Banaz’s body buried in a suitcase in the back garden of a house in Birmingham three months after she was reported missing, and was tasked with finding out what happened to her in her first case as a senior investigating officer. Goode discovered that Banaz had been to the police five times to report threats to her life from members of her own family, and was appalled that her own colleagues had missed multiple chances to save her life. She was later given the Queen’s Police Medal for her investigation into Banaz’s death. The drama has already attracted criticismUpon its announcement last year, Honour faced controversy, with many – including Banaz’s own family – criticising the decision to centre the story on Keeley’s character, claiming it perpetuates a white saviour narrative.ITV have announced a drama about Banaz Mahmod. An Iraqi Kurdish Muslim woman who was the victim of a so called “honour” killing. It shifts the story from being about her to the white detective who “got her justice”. The project has a white lead, writer and director.— Furquan Akhtar (@furquan) June 24, 2019Banaz’s sister Payzee Mahmod told the BBC she agreed with this criticism, saying: “It doesn’t really sit too well with me that that’s the angle they chose to go with because that’s not Banaz’s story, that’s somebody else’s story.“This is about somebody who lost her life very tragically and it’s not about somebody getting to tell their story. I don’t believe that it’s honouring Banaz.”In response, an ITV spokesperson told the BBC that writer Gwyneth Hughes had been in contact with Payzee “to give her the assurances she needs”. However, some members of Banaz’s family were involved in the development of the seriesHonour has been in development for several years, and according to executive producer Liza Marshall, she and writer Gwyneth Hughes spoke to Banaz’s sister Bekhal, Caroline Goode and Banaz’s late boyfriend Rahmat prior to his suicide in 2016.She said: “We realised that since Banaz’s death, honour-based abuse has been rising and convictions have been falling.“We became more determined than ever to make the drama - to keep Banaz’s memory alive by bringing the story of the police investigation to as wide an audience as possible.”They also worked with Karma Nirvana, a charity supporting victims of honour-based abuse and forced marriage, and women’s rights organisation IKWRO.Honour was also made in association with Keeley Hawes’ production company Buddy Club. The drama is Buddy Club’s first big project and Keeley – who also plays DCI Goode – said she felt responsible to get the story right. She said: “Obviously everything I do is important to me but there is a huge, additional responsibility that comes with this particular drama. Not only playing a real person and representing all of the people in the story but the main responsibility is because it’s about Banaz and keeping her memory alive.”Who is in the cast?Buket Komur plays Banaz Mahmod, who has described Honour as “a tribute to a lot of courageous people, first among them Banaz herself”. She said: “I particularly want to salute her sister Bekhal, who risked her own life when she chose to stand in the witness box and give evidence against their father. And I will always remember my meeting with her beloved Rahmat, who never really recovered from her loss. “Ultimately our story is about these two brave young people, their love for Banaz, and their inspiring refusal to accept a destiny of oppression.”Rhianne Barreto plays Banaz’s sister Bekhal Mahmod, while Moe Bar-El plays Banaz’s boyfriend Rahmat Suleimani. As mentioned, Keeley Hawes appears as investigating officer DCI Caroline Goode, while Michael Jibson and Amanda Lawrence play DS Stuart Reeves and DC Sarah Raymond.When is Honour on?Honour airs as a two-part mini-series, beginning on Monday 28 September at 9pm on ITV, concluding the following evening.  Watch the trailer...MORE TV DRAMA: Us Is The BBC's New 'Rom-Com In Reverse' From The Writer Of One Day – Here's What You Need To Know How I May Destroy You Should Open The Door For More Groundbreaking TV Shows 29 TV Picks Coming Later In 2020 That Will Help Staying In Feel More Bearable
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UK News and Opinion - The Huffington Post...
These Queer Students Have Some Advice For LGBTQ People Starting Uni
Jordy Delight graduated from their MA from Edinburgh College of Art during the pandemic. Studying under lockdown as a queer person was tough, says the 25-year-old. In 2018, when they started, art school was an amazing way to meet other LGBTQ artists, pushing them towards achievements, such as the winning the Young Scot Arts award 2020. “Those students gave me a sense of artistic development,” says Jordy, “but that was all drastically changed when Covid-19 interrupted my studies.”Jordy believes the queer community will struggle with the return to university. “Many friends have told me their teaching is either online, or part-time,” they say. “It’s events like fresher parties and social nights that will [be missed] – and societies not having space to discuss being queer and student life.”Due to Covid-19, students starting uni this autumn face fresh challenges, as social distancing wreaks havoc on traditional ways of campus life. But for LGBTQ students, who are more likely to experience mental health issues than their straight counterparts, starting university could be harder than ever.Related... The Queer British Rappers Rising Above Hip Hop Homophobia So, what do we actually know so far about how life on campus will change? Parties are banned, no overnight guests are allowed, and most lectures and society meet-ups seem to be taking place online. Some campus events, where they can be safely socially distanced, may happen for students who wish to attend – but that’s all subject to change, along with the government guidelines.Without the option to mix with other social circles – away from your flatmates – does this mean queer freshers may be worse off? Rachel Charlton-Dailey, 31, reckons so. She left Northumbria University in 2015, where she says she had many of her formative queer experiences. “I realised I was bisexual in college, but my university experience gave me the confidence to come out,” she tells HuffPost UK. “My university’s LGBTQ+ society played a big part in me accepting my sexuality and making friends and meaningful connections in the queer community – some of them are still my close friends now. It makes me sad thinking about all the queer young people starting uni this year wont have that and as a result won’t learn how to become as comfortable in themselves as I did.”Emily Garside, 36, from Cardiff, agrees. She graduated from her MA in 2008 from King’s College University of London and remembers the thrill of LGBTQ meet-ups on campus. “Coming out isn’t a one-off event, it’s a process,” she says. “And it took all four years of university, of being surrounded by that community, to really embrace my identity and be ‘out’”. Garside says without that physical community – those spaces to learn and grow – she worries for today’s students losing a vital element of growing into themselves. But students are trying to stay positive. Ryan James Broadhead, 18, from Liverpool, is starting his degree at The Arden School of Theatre in October. He’s trying to get his head around the ways his university experience will differ from freshers of bygone years.“My uni have really put out drastic measures to ensure the safety of everyone,” he says. “Being told you have an online class for a singing lesson is so strange.”Ryan is confident with his sexuality, but fears others less comfortable with expressing themselves may have a tough time. “If I was in that position, I’d feel way more empowered and less afraid if I was surrounded around people who I could relate to,” he says.“I feel for the people who might not have the chance to meet other LGBTQ people. I think with the government changing the rules every minute it’s going to be so much harder to socialise with anyone, including the LGBTQ community.”Will Reed, 18, a youth advisor from Bristol for Boys In Mind, is taking a gap year due to the pandemic. “One thing I’ve spoken about is how difficult it has been for LGBTQ people during lockdown, as they’ve perhaps been in homes where it’s unaccepting, or they don’t feel comfortable to be themselves, so online support has been so important for many,” he says. Through his work, Will has seen a spike in LGBTQ people struggling in the pandemic, but says organisations have upped their support. Boys In Mind, Pride Inside, Stonewall and Queer House Party are a few LGBTQ bodies that have run virtual events and offered support for queer people to help them maintain a sense of solidarity.We’d encourage LGBT people to get in touch with their University’s LGBT student society to see what remote or socially distant activities they are hosting.There are ways students can make their freshers experience a little less daunting, says Jessica Holden, senior policy officer at LGBTQ charity Stonewall. “University should be an exciting time where all students, including LGBTQ people, can learn, grow and enjoy their independence, but the Covid-19 pandemic means things will be very different this year,” she said.“We’d encourage LGBTQ people to get in touch with their University’s LGBTQ student society to see what remote or socially distant activities they are hosting, so they can immerse themselves in their new life and meet others.”Regardless of the distancing rules, Jake, 18, who preferred not to share his surname, says starting at Coventry University will give him the chance he needs to fully explore his sexuality, having only recently come out. The process will be “a lot harder” amid a global pandemic, he says, but nevertheless he’s optimistic: “I’m hoping to meet new people and develop a type,” he adds. READ MORE ‘Conversion Therapy’ Is Nothing More Than Torture. It’s Past Time For A Ban Opinion: Strictly Come Dancing Is Finally Doing Right By Britain's LGBTQ+ Youth The Queer British Rappers Rising Above Hip Hop Homophobia
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Michelle Ackerley: Grief Reared Its Head Again In The Pandemic
In What Works For Me – a series of articles considering how we can find balance in our lives – we talk to celebrities about wellbeing and self-care.It’s been two years since Michelle Ackerley received a call from her father’s hospice to say he’d died during the night, but The One Show presenter says the global pandemic has renewed her grief.  “It feels like the grief has reared its head again, because a lot of us have got more time to reflect on things,” says Michelle, who recently joined the Loose Women panel. ”I think people assume at two years you’ll be over it and back to normal, when actually, grief can come in so many different waves. I personally feel like I’ve found it harder recently.” Michelle’s dad, Marcus, was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in summer 2017. He died in March 2018. The diagnosis came as a huge shock to the family. “I remember us being taken into this really lovely room in the hospital with calming wallpaper, soft furnishings, beautiful pictures on the walls and a box of tissues on the table,” says Michelle. “I suddenly felt cold and thought: ‘This is serious.’”Related... Konnie Huq: 'After Blue Peter, I Didn't Know Where My Next Meal Was Coming From' The news floored Michelle, who says she experienced shock, sadness and anger all at once. “It was so much information to take in, I just went a bit numb,” she recalls. “It’s like a computer programme in your brain that just doesn’t work when you’re feeling so many emotions. I remember walking out of the room and I broke down in the corridor.”Michelle had two tactics for looking after her mental health while her father received treatment to prolong his life: stay practical and stay present. She busied herself by learning everything possible about chemotherapy –speaking to doctors about how her dad was likely to feel after each round and how to best support him. That day-by-day, step-by-step pragmatic approach helped her avoid thinking “my dad is going to die”, she says.READ MORE: Rachel Khoo: 'The Pandemic Has Left Me Without Work' When her dad was well enough, the pair would spend whole days sitting outside coffee shops chatting. Being present in those moments was a vital coping mechanism, says Michelle.“We both knew time was of the essence, so it was about really appreciating those moments,” she says. “And not just spending time with my dad, which I did a lot of anyway, but learning to enjoy sitting in the chair, tasting the tea, and recognising the way the sun feels on your face.“We always feel like time is running away from us and we’re on a countdown – but sometimes I almost felt like the diagnosis was the opposite of that. It helped me to appreciate time.”Although Michelle cut down her working hours to spend time with her father in the hospice, she continued to travel to London to film The One Show at his insistence. “He was such an advocate of my career and he’d really look forward to those days when I was filming,” she says. ”He was the one pushing me to do things. That gave him a focus as well, because it gave us something exciting and different to talk about the next morning.”Was it hard to keep up the show’s jovial, light-hearted tone with so much going on at home?“It’s a funny one because on the one hand, it felt like part of my life was falling apart, but on the other, having some kind of structure in my life was good,” says Michelle. ”With live television, you’ve got to be very present in that moment. It allowed me to have that half and hour where I was very focussed on the chat I was having, or the interview I was doing. It was a bit of a sense of normality.” Working on the show also provided Michelle with the opportunity to talk about her feelings with someone outside of her family – something a Macmillan nurse at the hospice had recommended. She bonded with one of the make-up artists, who’d lost both her parents to cancer.By this point, Marcus had made friends with other residents and they, alongside the Macmillan nurses at the hospice, would regularly gather around his bed to watch Michelle on TV. “I’d say: ’If you watch I’ll tap my left ear at a certain point and that’ll be me saying: ‘Love you dad!’” she says.The news her dad had died was “very difficult”, but the immediate aftermath where friends and family descended en masse to offer support and share happy memories gave her a lot of comfort. It was weeks later, when people started to “go back to their normal lives”, that the grief really hit.“I went through a period of thinking about all the traumatic things that happened during dad’s passing: seeing him so terribly ill, losing weight and crying – all those things were flooding my memories,” she says.  “One of my friend’s said: ’Let’s try and write down five things you can think  about that make you smile when you think about your dad, because you don’t  want to only look back on the [traumatic memories].’”READ MORE: Davina McCall’s Life In Lockdown: ‘It Felt Like The World Was Collapsing’ Michelle found the concept useful and still keeps a gratitude diary to help her stay positive. The loneliness of lockdown and a lack of routine during the pandemic has renewed some of the harder emotions, though. “There’s a big life-changing moment that’s happening with us all at the minute and I keep thinking: ‘Gosh, I can’t believe all this has happened in the world and dad’s not here to experience it,’” says Michelle. “It makes him feel like part of the past.”The first step in dealing with this, she says, is simply to acknowledge and accept that some days will be easier than others. “Some days I can listen to a piece of music he liked and it’ll make me smile or laugh and I’ll feel so grateful that although he’s not here anymore, I’ve had that amazing person in my life,” she says. “Other days I’ll feel the complete opposite. I’ll feel upset and lonely and like there’s nothing anyone can say that will take that sense of loss away.”Exercise has formed a key part of Michelle’s self-care routine when these harder days hit, as she’s learned that curling up under a duvet doesn’t work for her. She’s currently in Cardiff filming The Crimewatch Roadshow, so she’s been hitting the gym in the afternoon to keep her spirits up.When she’s at home in London, she’ll head out for a walk to Richmond Park.  Her favourite spot is a bench by the duck pond, where she’ll take a breather and watch dogs charging into the water.  “Some of them will be playing with other dogs or the owners will start throwing balls in,” says Michelle. “It’s such a simple thing, but having that distraction, connecting with nature and watching that simple play is brilliant. It really puts a smile on my face and has helped me no end.”By the time she gets home after her walk, Michelle says the “big knotted web of thoughts” in her head becomes unravelled. It’s taken a long time to develop these strategies for dealing with grief, though. Michelle’s advice for anyone recently bereaved is not to rush the process. “Don’t put a time limit on how you feel about things, because I started to do that this year,” she says. “Saying: ‘It’s been two years, you should be over it now, you shouldn’t be so consumed by it’ doesn’t help.” She also advocates talking about your feelings with a bereavement counsellor or someone you trust, if you feel unable to open up with friends and family.  “Grief, it’s like the word ‘cancer’ – people think it’s so negative and don’t want to talk about it, but sharing grief can make you feel a bit more comforted, supported and make you feel a bit better in that moment,” she says. Whenever you take part in Coffee Morning this year, you’ll be helping millions of people living with cancer, who need us more than ever. Find out how you can still get involved at coffee.macmillan.org.ukMore From What Works For Me: Edith Bowman: 'In Your 40s, You Have A 'Don't Give A F**k' Attitude' Evanna Lynch: 'I Was Addicted To People Who Made Me Feel Bad' Jordan Stephens On Mental Health And Racism: 'Sometimes I Just Want To Burn Everything Down'
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How Often Should You Wash And Replace Your Pillows?
Content warning, this could turn your stomach: Viewers have been left horrified after a woman filmed herself deep cleaning her partner’s “nasty” pillows after he refused to clean or replace them for 10 years. A TikTok user by the name of Margaret documented the process of stripping the three stained and yellowing pillows while her boyfriend was at work, and the end results were incredible. Firstly she soaked the filthy pillows in a bathtub with two dishwashing tablets and Borax (a natural mineral found in many detergents and cosmetics) before adding bleach to the mix. @itsamemargieoThis was worth driving to 3 different stores to find borax #pillowwashing#cleaning#ScienceAtHome#satisfying♬ Steven Universe - L.DreAfter some prodding and swirling in an attempt to wring out the dirt, Margaret got “impatient” and placed the pillows in the washing machine and then dryer for 54 minutes.   The video has racked up more than 1.7 million views and people are understandably repulsed. “I don’t know why I feel like I’m witnessing a crime right now,” one TikToker wrote. “Replace the whole boyfriend,” commented another while others posted about his hygiene, causing Margaret to explain she bought new pillows but he won’t use them because “he’s attached to these.” So, how often should we wash and replace pillows? Experts say pillow cases should be washed weekly, and the pillow itself should be replaced every three months. The concern is less about the pillow breaking down and more about the host of critters and debris that can be found in the pillow you lay your face on night after night. Dirt, oil and dead skin cells get trapped there, which may lead to acne. Dust mites, which belong to the spider family, also like to hang out in the crevices of your pillow. “You can’t see them, but they’re concentrated in things like bedding and carpeting,” says Mark R Neustrom, DO, of Kansas City Allergy and Asthma Associates.Dust mite accumulation can cause very real health problems, namely unpleasant reactions in people who are allergic to the bugs. Neustrom says that of all people with allergies, around two thirds of them may be allergic to the types of dust mites that congregate indoors.And unlike allergens like cat dander, the protein that triggers reactions to dust mites isn’t typically airborne, he says, so symptoms that are particularly strong first thing in the morning is a good sign the problem might be your pillow. Anyone with year-round nasal symptoms also might want to get tested for a dust mite allergy, he says.“Always change your pillowcases weekly when you strip the bed. Changing and washing pillowcases may need to be done more frequently if you have an eye infection, or other lesion on or around your face/head,” Mary-Louise McLaws, Professor of Epidemiology in Health Care Infection and Infectious Diseases Control toldHuffPost Australia. “Weekly changing of pillowcases extend the life of the pillow and keeps dirt/infection from entering your skin.” The deep cleaning and soaking process of “stripping” has gone viral on social media platforms recently with audiences realising a quick round in the washing machine doesn’t always cut it to remove tough grime. Stripping pulls out hidden gunk from clean clothes using a concoction of detergents.  People have been left shocked by the dirty water left over in the tub after washing their already “clean” clothes.  Follow cleanfluencer Go Clean Co’s  method below to try out stripping.  View this post on InstagramBy popular demand, here is the Laundry Stripping Recipe: 1 cup (or use the scoop that comes in box) of Powdered Tide Laundry ¼ cup of Borax ¼ cup Arm and Hammer Washing Soda Steps: 1. Fill bath tub with water as hot as hell 2. Add clean and sorted like coloured clothes—SORT YOUR CLOTHES PEOPLE. Do not get me started on sorting clothing. 3. Add in the mixture, stir so it dissolves 4. Let soak for 4 hours or more 5. Stir every hour Drain and wring clothes out, take to washing machine (get a bucket so you dont drip everywhere) Run a full cycle with NO soap or fabric softner (there is already plenty of soap in the clothes) dry, fluff and fold. Happy Tuesday #cleaningarmy now get stripping! ??????????A post shared by GO CLEAN CO (@gocleanco) on Jul 28, 2020 at 8:35am PDTWith additional reporting from HuffPost US LIFE.  Related... We've Gone Back To Work Post-Lockdown. Here's How It's Changed Experts Predict How Coronavirus May Change Hotel Stays How Often You Should Wash Your Sheets During The Coronavirus Pandemic
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My Boyfriend Of Three Years Suddenly Ghosted Me. Here’s Why I’m Grateful It Happened
“What would you do if you knew you would never get married?” my therapist asked me.“I’d probably kill myself,” I blurted, and was immediately shocked at both what I’d said and at its truthfulness. An unpartnered life seemed at that moment to be not worth living, even though I was in my mid-40s and had spent more of my adulthood single than not.I’d started seeing my therapist again because my boyfriend of three years had suddenly ghosted me. After a highly emotional discussion about our future together, he stopped returning my phone calls or texts. I’d hoped we were headed toward making our connection more permanent, at least by moving in together. As I desperately tried to figure out what was going on and save our relationship with tactics culled from Googling mental health and dating websites, I was barely sleeping and spent my waking hours in a kind of feral panic. Unable to eat much, I lost 14 pounds in six weeks. I didn’t want to believe my ex could consciously treat me this way, so I decided he must have been having some sort of breakdown. I didn’t recognize that I was on my way to having one myself.I’d always assumed I would get married eventually. Despite my long identification as a feminist, I thought marriage — the right marriage — would make life easier, an idea I picked up on from my mother. She was expecting to be a good Catholic wife and mother who’d stay at home with the kids. Unfortunately, she married her alcoholic high school sweetheart — charming, smart and handsome, but an undependable mess — and instead she ended up divorced and responsible for supporting two small children in the early 1970s. Back then divorce was not as common as it is now, especially in our well-to-do Chicago suburb. I was acutely aware that my mom was the only divorcée among my friends’ parents and that we were the only ones who lived in a small apartment rather than a big house from which the dad set off to work every day. While we never wanted for food or other basics, money was tight. An undercurrent of anxiety colored my childhood as my mom went out on dates and pined after a wealthy, emotionally unavailable boyfriend who took us out for ice cream in his Alfa Romeo and for trips on his boat. Once, going through her purse for some reason, I found a scrap of paper on which she’d doodled her married name with the boyfriend. She grabbed it away, angry and humiliated. “Don’t get married too young, but don’t wait too long — the men will be picked over,” she once told me. There’s no doubt in my mind that I would be living a much more diminished life ... if his actions, as cruel as they were, hadn’t forced me to wake up.My boyfriend’s abrupt exit and my subsequent near-breakdown forced me to do some soul-searching. I had to grapple with the increasingly likely possibility that I would not, in fact, ever get married, or at least not anytime soon. So what did I want my life to look like instead?I was ashamed that I couldn’t even answer the question. I came to realize I had been using the goal of a partnership as a way to avoid taking responsibility for my own life. I’d always been beset by feelings of anxiety and inadequacy at my jobs and in my writing. By hitching my cart to a man’s, I wouldn’t have to fully face them. I wouldn’t have to take as many risks, or the risks would be lessened because I’d be in a place of greater economic and emotional security. Or so I thought.So I started asking myself what I wanted to do. Immediately, I knew I wanted to travel more. For my first post-breakup trip, I went to Tulum, Mexico, by myself. It was a little weird to be on my own in that extremely romantic place, but I truly relaxed, lying for hours in a hammock or on a lounge chair on the beach while waiters brought me margaritas. When I showed up at the hot restaurant where advance reservations were a must, I scored a seat at the bar because I was on my own. I was often the only single traveler on snorkeling trips and other outings, but no one seemed to think it was that odd, or if they did, they were impressed rather than pitying. Over the next few years, I went to Puerto Rico, Portugal, Italy, Spain, Turkey and all over the U.S. — almost always by myself.In the meantime, Donald Trump was running for president, and his pussy-grabbing comments, allegations of sexual assault and history of insulting women were in the news every day. At the same time, the Me Too movement was gaining steam. I became increasingly angry at the way too many men failed to show empathy for the harassment and unequal treatment women suffered, excusing Trump’s behavior and saying the Me Too movement had gone too far, just as powerful men started to be held accountable. I was horrified at how many white women voted for Trump, a candidate who represented a gendered status quo that I naively thought had been crumbling.Suddenly, remaining single didn’t seem like bad luck or a personal failing ― it seemed like a valid choice and even an enviable status, something that more than one married person at my 30th high school reunion made sure to tell me. While a committed relationship can undoubtedly enrich the lives of the people in it, as more friends divorced and broke up, I realized that all too often it requires sacrifices I wasn’t sure I was willing to make. And even when it’s good, the going can be just as tough as single life. “You seem to think marriage makes everything great,” a friend who is in probably the best partnership I know of said to me at one point. “It doesn’t.” So I stopped feeling ashamed and embarrassed about being one of the only older women in my large extended family who had never gotten married or had a kid. I stopped feeling helpless and alone when something went wrong with my condo or my car. I earned a master’s degree and graduated with a 4.0 GPA. And when I got laid off from my job, I had the confidence to go freelance so I could start living the life of greater freedom that I’d dreamed of — even knowing I’d still face those old feelings of fear and anxiety. A love and dating coach whom I followed for a while in my doomed effort to get my ex back often counseled her heartbroken followers, “Someday you’ll be grateful to your ex for dumping you.” There’s no doubt in my mind that I would be living a much more diminished life— and probably making the same mistakes with men over and over again, a dating version of Groundhog Day ― if his actions, as cruel as they were, hadn’t forced me to wake up. One could argue I’ve gone too far the other way. I have pretty high standards for how I spend my limited free time, and, for the most part, the men I’ve met haven’t cleared the bar. Family members still occasionally make cat lady jokes. But I lived the first half of my life trying to fit myself into a mould to attract and keep a man. I think I’ll spend the second half trying to live the life that pleases me. If that brings me a loving partnership, I’ll be very happy. But I’ll still be very happy if it doesn’t.This article first appeared on HuffPost PersonalHave a compelling personal story you want to tell? Find out what we’re looking for here, and pitch us on ukpersonal@huffpost.comMore from HuffPost UK Personal I’ve Been Unemployed This Entire Pandemic. I’m Terrified About What A Second Wave Would Mean Just When I Thought It Was Over, Lockdown Saved My Marriage Coronavirus Stole My Favourite Pastime: Chatting With Strangers
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